Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
