talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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