I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
