I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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