i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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