I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
