I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
