4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
