oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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