Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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