THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
