This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
