i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
