You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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