It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My bed smells like the plague
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
