I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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