She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
