i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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