What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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