your room smells of hookers.
And success
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
