what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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