it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
