i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My balls are so social today.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
