"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
