So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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