dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
