my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
