is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think your dad took our porno
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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