We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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