A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
