I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
