is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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