What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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