why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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