Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
