Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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