I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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