i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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