just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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