When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
