I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
