oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
