take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
