Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
