Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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