Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
