I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
