my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
