how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
