I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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