I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
