If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think people are normalizing furries
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
