we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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