i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
