why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize