i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
