i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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