i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
