I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
