the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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