Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
