I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard