what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??