So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are