So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
