Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize