R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
