I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
