I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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