you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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