haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
