Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
