I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
